


Empty

by greenhouse793



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gen, I am an angst enabler, M/M, Warnings for Merlin Fandom pain, introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25673680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenhouse793/pseuds/greenhouse793
Summary: Fate has never been a gentle mistress.
Relationships: Elyan/Gwaine/Percival (Merlin), Gwaine/Percival (Merlin)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Empty

He wishes that he could say he has never felt empty. That he has never felt so old and worn, an ancient scroll sitting upon a dusty shelf, crumbling the instant it is exposed to a breath of fresh air. He wishes that he knew how to be whole again. It seems so long ago that he had everything. 

Now, he has only pain. He is a mighty tree in persistent floodwaters. He sinks ever deeper into the greedy mud. It is drowning him. It has taken everything - all that remains is his life.

He and Gwaine hadn't been able to touch each other for almost three months, the ghost of Elyan hanging between them like an insurmountable ravine. Somehow, it was worse knowing that they still had each other. A betrayal to his memory that they could be together without him. But with time, they were able to close the distance, to fall back into each other's arms with a grateful sigh, the breaking of the dam that had blocked the flow of Healing. 

He might have been able to handle it if it had only happened the once.

Fate, however, had never been a gentle mistress.

The wounds had just begun to close when word reached them that the Lady Morgana's army was on the move. The night before they were to cross swords at Camlann, he once again took Gwaine in his arms. At the height of ecstasy, both of them reached for one who would never again reach back. 

He wishes he could say that the story ends there, that he passed the rest of his days with his one remaining love, until they were both old and gray, a biography written in the lines across their faces. He even wishes he could say that everything ended that night, that they were all together again come the dawn. 

Yet, the truth was a bitter song that tore through his soul. It was a lifetime in broken solitude, the duty to a crumbling realm that divided his breast from the sweet peace of sharpened steel. 

He wishes that he could say he has never felt empty, but emptiness is all that he has.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted and deleted from fanfiction.net. Thank you for reading!


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